Why Are We in a Loneliness Epidemic?

I recently learned that in 2023, the World Health Organization (WHO) described loneliness as a global epidemic. But why? I knew loneliness was an issue, though I never expected it to be serious enough for an organization like WHO to address it as an epidemic. After giving it some thought, I realized loneliness indeed exists in shocking numbers all around me too. But what exactly is loneliness?

Defining Loneliness

Loneliness isn’t being alone; it’s feeling alone. You may have a great social life, but at the end of the day, in the moments between resting your head on your pillow and falling asleep, you still feel a heavy weight on your chest. Your heart pounding at the fact that despite being around people all day, you still felt as lonely as you do now, lying alone on your bed in the silence of the night.

Truth is, most people are lonely. Not in the sense that we don’t have anyone to talk to or friends to hang out with. It’s just that they do not satisfy the level, depth, or comfort of conversations our hearts desire. As expats, intrinsically, we stand out from others around us. So, it’s no surprise that we hope to be socially accepted in a foreign country. But for us, that usually means it will require more effort. Regardless of whether you are an expat or not, it is also true that social media has made it hard to form genuine relationships. However, the actual challenge to overcoming loneliness is much more complicated.  

To explain this further, it is important to understand my classification of friendships into 5 general levels.

Level 1- “I know you exist” friends:

They are people around your school, university, or workplace who you know of, yet haven’t interacted much with, other than small talk. People at this level of friendship are also synonymously referred to as coworkers, classmates, or schoolmates.

Level 2- Work friends:

These are the people you sit beside at work. They also include your project partners in school, or the ones you go to when you have a math problem you can’t solve in university. All conversations are mostly limited to work or academics.

Level 3- “I don’t agree, but I’m going to nod my head” friends:

You enjoy your time with them but are only involved in surface-level conversations. Occasionally, when you do have deeper conversations, you don’t bother to disagree with them, because “They won’t get it,” or “They might get offended by it”. With this level of friendships, you may hesitate to share your honest opinions on deeper, more intimate topics.

Level 4- “If I see you, I’ll tell you” friends:

These are the friends you don’t see often. There are periods of absolutely no contact. But perhaps, 2 or 3 times a year, you’ll talk and catch up, filling each other in on life updates. You like talking to them and share a comfortable, supportive friendship. The only downside is the lack of availability.

Level 5- “Ride or die” friends:

These friends have your back at any given time, no matter what. Judgement does not exist for them. Whether there’s good or bad news, they are the first ones you want to tell. You can talk to them about anything and everything. Contradictory opinions do not feel uncomfortable; instead, they stimulate curiosity in each other’s perspectives. These conversations are the ones that truly fulfil your soul. Such friends never make you want to rerun the conversation in your head, wondering if you shared too much or if it was too awkward.

Basically, the further the person progresses into the levels, the more comfortable we are with them.

The Problem

So, when it’s said that this generation is the loneliest, it means we do have many Level 1, 2, and 3 friends. Still, Level 5 friends who make us feel heard and understood are extremely rare or non-existent. And that is where the loneliness epidemic stems from. Of course, this can all be traced back to the cons of social media, but it has now created a completely different sub-issue that everyone is experiencing, yet no one seems to be addressing.

The solution to this appears to be relatively simple: just make new friends. Go out, interact, sign up for events, and surely, there will be people who you connect with. However, without a forced environment such as school or an on-site job, where we are bound to meet and interact with people every single day, it is easier said than done. The main contributor to this issue being the existence of categories in the “friendship pool”.

Category 1:

People who already have a friend group with Level 4 and 5 friends and are not particularly interested in a new addition.

Category 2:

People who act cold or unresponsive when there is an opportunity for a friendship to form.

Category 3:

People who want to befriend you but do not match your vibe or are straight-up creeps.

Category 4:

People who match your energy, have great personalities, and would love to be your friends.

Obviously, Category 3 are people you’d want to avoid. People in Category 4 are extremely rare; there's no point in discussing it as an option any further. Now, all we are left with are people from Categories 1 and 2. Right off the bat, I’m sure you can tell, neither is a favourable option.

Friendship is a two-way road. Even if we are willing and open to making new friends, it must be reciprocated by others too. This is where many of us find ourselves hitting a brick wall. Most of the time, we encounter people from Categories 1 and 2. Such interactions, even if entertained by both parties, can only fall to Level 2 or 3 friendships. Therefore, the issue of a lack of Level 5 friendships persists.

Essentially, there are more people than you’d expect who are silently yearning for Level 5 friendships. The everlasting failure to achieve that seems to have made us spiral into this epidemic. So, if you feel lonely, try to socialize, and continue to hit a dead end, you can at least find consolation in the fact that there are countless others right there with you.



About the Author

Nitya Menghani is a twenty-year-old Gen Z, who has lived her whole life in Shenzhen, trying to navigate through the twists and turns of a young adult life as an expat in the city. She is an aspiring businesswoman eager to create an impact and is currently pursuing a business management degree. Other than that, she has also freelanced as a social media assistant manager, sales and customer service intern, and AI marketing content creator. Her writing is inspired by the complex thoughts and conversations that stem from the ordinary moments of life. She hopes that by writing them down, she can perhaps help herself and others navigate through them too.

Nitya can be contacted via WeChat on the following QR.